What is family mediation? How does family mediation work and how can it help?

If you are separating from your partner, there will be decisions that need to be made about your relationship, your children and your finances. 

Mediation is a really excellent way of enabling you and your former partner to have conversations together in order to make those decisions.   

You and your former partner would sit with me in a series of meetings, either in person or online, and I will hold the space for you to be able to have constructive and balanced conversations about all the arrangements that need to be made. 

You and your former partner can keep direct communication between you, so that there are fewer misunderstandings and more insight.  This means that you are likely to have a better outcome both for yourself (emotionally and financially) and for your children.  Decisions are within your control and can be made at your own pace, unlike in Court proceedings or in correspondence through solicitors.  Together you can set the agenda- so if there is something in particular that is worrying you, it can be discussed. 

You can talk through any issues at all- about the house, pension, worries about how you will pay for outgoings, how you will share the contents of the house, what arrangements you want to make for any pets or for the children.  They can be as broad brush or specific as they need to be and the whole process can be tailored to your family.  Mediation can also be significantly more economical than using solicitors or the court process. 

The key principles of mediation are:

• you come to mediation by choice (no-one can make you take part in a mediation), 
• mediation is confidential (excepting safeguarding)
• it is for you to make decisions about your situation- I will not tell you what to do
• I will do my best to act in an even-handed way between you and to help you both reach an outcome that works for all those involved.

As a former family solicitor I can guide your discussions on a reasonable settlement, what other input you may need and what you need to do to finalise everything.

Initially, I will meet with you individually to tell you about mediation including what it is- and what it isn’t- and we can talk about whether it might be suitable for you. The meeting will take place online and will last about an hour.  In that meeting, you can tell me about your situation and the issues that need to be decided.  I can let you know whether I think mediation would be helpful for you and you can decide if you would like to try mediation, or whether you want to explore any other options for resolving issues.  I can also provide information about any other support services. 

Please note whilst I am working towards Accreditation with the Family Mediation Council, I cannot offer MIAMs (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting).

Shouldn't we be able to work this out ourselves without a mediator?

You certainly can do that and many couples do.  If however you haven’t done so up to now then it might be that mediation can assist.  Mediation gives you time and space to be able to work things out yourself. 

The advantage of coming to me is that I have a legal background so I can guide you on what a court would expect and what a court would endorse.  I also have the experience to help you with what you might need to think about and what other services or people might be able to help as well.  Going through mediation also means that you will have a route through and a timetable in place so that things don’t just drift.

I would like to try mediation but my former partner will never agree

If you send them a link to my website or ask them to give me a call, then I can speak to them about it.  If they really don’t want to try, then they can’t be forced into it- but it can be really helpful for them to find out what is involved.

I’m nervous that my former partner will talk me into, or bully me into agreeing to something that is not in my interests

When I speak to you on the phone we can talk this through in detail. My role in the mediation is to ensure that you each have an equal voice in any conversation. If something suggested is clearly unfair to one side, we will look at that and understand fully what it would mean.  If I feel you need to take legal advice (either separately or jointly) then I will tell you that, and I can recommend a good solicitor if you don’t already have one.

I would like to try mediation but I don’t understand anything about our finances

In every case we will go through the finances together so that all three of us understand the finances involved.  If we need to get other experts involved to help with this then I can let you know about this and can suggest some people I have worked with previously who I recommend. It is always entirely up to you which other experts you want to involve, if any, and you will understand their costs fully before engaging them.

I would like to try mediation but I think we’ll just end up arguing

You may well have times of conflict within mediation, but I will hold the space for you both and watch carefully to manage this. 

What if mediation doesn’t work?

Occasionally people do not reach a final agreement. However even in those cases, there will have been some agreement on some issues which helps to narrow the areas of dispute for the future.  You will also have provided open financial information which can be used by solicitors in the future and which will cut down on the work, time and cost that is needed.  Sometimes it is just not the right time for mediation, and it is picked up again at a later stage.

Is mediation only for separating couples?

Not at all- it is for anyone who needs to have conversations about arrangements for children or finances so it is also good for grandparents or other family members.  

What does family mediation cost  

My hourly rate is based on my professional qualifications and experience. Some mediators are less expensive but they tend not to have a legal background which often means that the outcomes are not as focused or appropriate for the court.  It is worth paying for expert assistance.    

Compared to the costs of negotiating through solicitors or going to court, the costs of mediation are low and the outcomes for your family are much better. 

An average cost of negotiating through solicitors is between £5,000 and £15,000 plus VAT per person, and the costs of going to Court can vary enormously but are unlikely to be less than £15,000 plus VAT per person and are on average more like £20,000 to £30,000 plus VAT per person.  Mediation tends to cost between £2,000 and £5,000 on average in total.

Whilst I am working towards accreditation with the Family Mediation Council my hourly rate is lower than many other solicitor mediators locally.  I charge £100 per person per hour.  

Who pays for family mediation?

You can decide between you and your partner who pays for the costs.  Often the costs are shared equally between participants but they can be shared in any way that works best for your family.  

Do you offer Legal Aid?

No I don't offer Legal Aid.

Are family mediation vouchers still available?

Yes they are available for disputes about children. I don't offer the Voucher Scheme but my charges are reduced while I work towards my Family Mediation Council accreditation- so the overall costs will still be lower in most cases.  

Are you accredited by the Family Mediation Council?

I am not currently accredited by the Family Mediation Council but I am working towards accreditation and so my work must be to those standards and is overseen by my Professional Practice Consultant who is a very experienced solicitor mediator.  My current fees reflect that I am not yet accredited but I have worked as a family solicitor since 2008.  

What if we agree something in mediation and my former partner then changes their mind?

Mediation is not binding upon either of you, so if having taken legal advice or reflected further you decide that the agreement is not appropriate, then you can change your mind.  However, as I have a legal background I will let you know if a proposal is unlikely to be accepted by the court or is unworkable- so there is a good chance that you will each agree to continue with agreements reached in Mediation. 

Do we need to have our proposal endorsed by the court?

It is not always essential to do this, but it is a good idea because it ties up all loose ends.  You will need a solicitor to draw the Memorandum of Understanding into a Consent Order to be sent to the court with a short summary of your finances. It is relatively straightforward and inexpensive to do this because I will have drawn up a Memorandum of Understanding that is thorough and in a way that makes it as easy as possible for a solicitor to draft. 

Will we need solicitors?

You do not necessarily need solicitors, but you may want a solicitor to advise you. If we get to a point where I think that would be helpful, I will let you know.  I will also recommend some solicitors to you who are reasonably priced and approachable and who have a collaborative style who will support you in reaching an amicable outcome.  Once we have a Memorandum of Understanding I will suggest that you ask a solicitor to draft that into a Consent Order for you. 

I am still unsure

Please do just give me a call- I am always happy to speak to anyone 07985 431 362 even if I can't help you, I might be able to point you in the right direction of someone who can.